Comments on: Be Still! http://ccesonline.com/devotionals/christian-life/be-still/ Sat, 17 Dec 2011 11:39:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Tara http://ccesonline.com/devotionals/christian-life/be-still/comment-page-1/#comment-693 Tara Sun, 26 Dec 2010 15:58:42 +0000 http://ccesonline.com/devotionals/?p=444#comment-693 I have noticed that I have extreme behavioral issues when it comes to my ex boyfriend. I have always loved God and felt that I was very close to Him and His Word. I know that because of God I am here and still here. He has helped me time and time again and I feel He is my best friend that I can trust, except for when it comes to a relationship with a man, and especially this relationship with my ex. I met him in church about 2 years ago and even though I had seen him around in a group I go to, it wasn't until that night that for some reason I fell completely head over heels. I literally gave him everything, I prayed to God for our relationship but I know that it was me making things move and me not letting God take over. Its like I dont know how and when I feel like I am, moments later I am doing something irrational because I cant stay focused or be still in this matter. I wanted marriage, children, etc... my ex has a son and I became like a mother when he would be over. I took care of the bills, the house, my ex and his son... I literally felt that this was my future and my ex was soon to be my husband. My world came crashing down over the summer. Unfortunately we had messed up and had premarital sex a few months before the summer came. I always feel panicky, even being together with my ex, I always felt that I knew there was going to be a day that something was going to happen and the truth was that he didnt truly want to be with me. I was so consumed with these thoughts that I would try to tempt him to make sure he wanted me, even though we both knew it was wrong. I would beg God almost on a daily night for my ex to marry me and for us to have a family. It got to the point where I was so sick... I went to the doctor and they gave me a pregnancy test and my ex freaked out. In that moment my world became nothing... he told me that he never felt any intention of marrying me, that he cared a lot for me and had love for me, but he saw too many flaws and failures in me, in "us"... he told me that he should have told me sooner but he didn't want to lose what he had and was selfish. I think I died inside at that moment... I have had numerous relationships and they all were bad for me mentally and emotionally... but this... this was so much different. Even though we have been broken up for 7 months now, my feelings for him still seem to go on and because I see him once or twice a week at church, its not like I can just forget. Another thing is, is that I have found myself being so over emotional and dramatic and insane, just to get a reaction out of him and to get him to come over or hang out with me so that I can feel "normal" even though its only an hour or possibly a few hours. I hate myself for this. I seem to cry and sob myself to sleep or wherever I can when something doesnt go my way. I look at him and get so angry and sad and frustrated because I gave him everything I thought he could possibly want and I just dont understand how he can move on so easily and do things without even thinking yet I am trapped in what seems to be a nightmare and I have become this horribe person. I even get so upset because I see him at church with a girl or a guy and all I can do is get sick to my stomach and feel like yelling at them and telling them all about how different he is outside of church and what he did to me. I feel used, cheated, lied to, abandoned, beyond depressed and out of control. Im sure God is so upset with me, Im sure He is angry at me, and Im sure that everything I feel is my own fault. I just dont know how to stop it, I pray and pray, Ive fasted, Ive stayed away from my ex and ignored him or his calls, I locked myself away from the world and even my place of worship for a little bit, but it still comes back to this crazy behavior and emotions. I still look at him and want to marry him, i still look at him and want to make it a point that I AM IN HIS LIFE to everyone... I have become a prisoner in my own body... Im at the breaking point where all I want to do is end my life but because my little sister tried to commit suicide, something stops me, but the pain is too deep and I just want to hurt myself to release it, I just want to die completely inside and not have to think... I feel completely useless and bewildered and downright pathetic and ashamed. I have noticed that I have extreme behavioral issues when it comes to my ex boyfriend. I have always loved God and felt that I was very close to Him and His Word. I know that because of God I am here and still here. He has helped me time and time again and I feel He is my best friend that I can trust, except for when it comes to a relationship with a man, and especially this relationship with my ex. I met him in church about 2 years ago and even though I had seen him around in a group I go to, it wasn’t until that night that for some reason I fell completely head over heels. I literally gave him everything, I prayed to God for our relationship but I know that it was me making things move and me not letting God take over. Its like I dont know how and when I feel like I am, moments later I am doing something irrational because I cant stay focused or be still in this matter. I wanted marriage, children, etc… my ex has a son and I became like a mother when he would be over. I took care of the bills, the house, my ex and his son… I literally felt that this was my future and my ex was soon to be my husband. My world came crashing down over the summer. Unfortunately we had messed up and had premarital sex a few months before the summer came. I always feel panicky, even being together with my ex, I always felt that I knew there was going to be a day that something was going to happen and the truth was that he didnt truly want to be with me. I was so consumed with these thoughts that I would try to tempt him to make sure he wanted me, even though we both knew it was wrong. I would beg God almost on a daily night for my ex to marry me and for us to have a family. It got to the point where I was so sick… I went to the doctor and they gave me a pregnancy test and my ex freaked out. In that moment my world became nothing… he told me that he never felt any intention of marrying me, that he cared a lot for me and had love for me, but he saw too many flaws and failures in me, in “us”… he told me that he should have told me sooner but he didn’t want to lose what he had and was selfish. I think I died inside at that moment… I have had numerous relationships and they all were bad for me mentally and emotionally… but this… this was so much different. Even though we have been broken up for 7 months now, my feelings for him still seem to go on and because I see him once or twice a week at church, its not like I can just forget. Another thing is, is that I have found myself being so over emotional and dramatic and insane, just to get a reaction out of him and to get him to come over or hang out with me so that I can feel “normal” even though its only an hour or possibly a few hours. I hate myself for this. I seem to cry and sob myself to sleep or wherever I can when something doesnt go my way. I look at him and get so angry and sad and frustrated because I gave him everything I thought he could possibly want and I just dont understand how he can move on so easily and do things without even thinking yet I am trapped in what seems to be a nightmare and I have become this horribe person. I even get so upset because I see him at church with a girl or a guy and all I can do is get sick to my stomach and feel like yelling at them and telling them all about how different he is outside of church and what he did to me. I feel used, cheated, lied to, abandoned, beyond depressed and out of control. Im sure God is so upset with me, Im sure He is angry at me, and Im sure that everything I feel is my own fault. I just dont know how to stop it, I pray and pray, Ive fasted, Ive stayed away from my ex and ignored him or his calls, I locked myself away from the world and even my place of worship for a little bit, but it still comes back to this crazy behavior and emotions. I still look at him and want to marry him, i still look at him and want to make it a point that I AM IN HIS LIFE to everyone… I have become a prisoner in my own body… Im at the breaking point where all I want to do is end my life but because my little sister tried to commit suicide, something stops me, but the pain is too deep and I just want to hurt myself to release it, I just want to die completely inside and not have to think… I feel completely useless and bewildered and downright pathetic and ashamed.

]]> By: Ann Shorb http://ccesonline.com/devotionals/christian-life/be-still/comment-page-1/#comment-316 Ann Shorb Mon, 05 Oct 2009 03:53:45 +0000 http://ccesonline.com/devotionals/?p=444#comment-316 Joan, it's nice to hear of your concern for this elderly neighbor. Since I don't know all of the facts involved, I can't really give a definitive answer to your question but here are some thoughts. If these panic attacks only occur when she is alone, it would appear that they are related to fears of being by herself--perhaps a fear of being hurt in some way, falling ill or even dying, and having no one around. If that's the case, then providing her with emergency numbers and such resources might be of help. Also working out a plan to have various people check in on her from time to time might reassure her. Many times people who don't like being alone benefit from having a radio or television on even though they are not really paying full attention to it because it brings the sound of human voices into the home and breaks the silence. It also distracts them from worrying about their fears. There may be some other physical cause for her panic attacks, but that is something she would have to explore with her medical doctor. Joan, it’s nice to hear of your concern for this elderly neighbor. Since I don’t know all of the facts involved, I can’t really give a definitive answer to your question but here are some thoughts.

If these panic attacks only occur when she is alone, it would appear that they are related to fears of being by herself–perhaps a fear of being hurt in some way, falling ill or even dying, and having no one around. If that’s the case, then providing her with emergency numbers and such resources might be of help. Also working out a plan to have various people check in on her from time to time might reassure her. Many times people who don’t like being alone benefit from having a radio or television on even though they are not really paying full attention to it because it brings the sound of human voices into the home and breaks the silence. It also distracts them from worrying about their fears.

There may be some other physical cause for her panic attacks, but that is something she would have to explore with her medical doctor.

]]> By: Joan Hershey http://ccesonline.com/devotionals/christian-life/be-still/comment-page-1/#comment-315 Joan Hershey Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:40:58 +0000 http://ccesonline.com/devotionals/?p=444#comment-315 Hi Ann, I'm a Christian; my 92 yr old neighbor (a Christian) experiences panic attacks when she is left alone, until she has to run off to different neighbors and relatives (which isn't convienient for her or the others) She has had various counciling sessions plus medication which hasn't helped. She is still able to take care of herself and her home except for this area concerning the attacks. How can I help her to be comfortable alone? Thank you Joan Hi Ann, I’m a Christian; my 92 yr old neighbor (a Christian) experiences panic attacks when she is left alone, until she has to run off to different neighbors and relatives (which isn’t convienient for her or the others) She has had various counciling sessions plus medication which hasn’t helped. She is still able to take care of herself and her home except for this area concerning the attacks. How can I help her to be comfortable alone? Thank you Joan

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